1. To say that women have been primarily responsible for mothering in all societies does not mean that women have regularly mothered their own biological children or that all women have mothered. For example, in the early days of capitalism and urban industrialization in France and other countries, mothers in the middle and working classes gave their babies over to the care of wet nurses in the country (see Badinter, Mother Love ). [BACK]

2. For a discussion of the degree to which the kibbutz experiment did not begin with similar roles for women and men, see Blasi, review of Gender and Culture by Spiro. [BACK]

3. Chodorow, Reproduction of Mothering. break [BACK]

4. Rossi, "Biosocial Perspective on Parenting." Others who agree with Rossi's point of view include Dan and Newton, comments in "Considering a Biosocial Perspective on Parenting." [BACK]

5. Janet Sayers does this in Biological Politics. [BACK]

6. See Rossi, "Gender and Parenthood," especially p. 15. See also Dan and Newton, comments in "Considering a Biosocial Perspective on Parenting." [BACK]

7. See for example, Fausto-Sterling, Myths of Gender; Bleier, Science and Gender; Lowe and Hubbard, eds., Woman's Nature; and Sayers, Biological Politics. These books differ in perspective, but they all basically argue against biological determinism while they at the same time carefully examine biological factors. Sayers argues for a middle position within feminism between "biological essentialism" and what she calls "social constructionism." The other three books are more suspicious of biological influence but move us toward a more complex view of the interactions between body, mind, and culture. Bleier, for example, in her chapter on the brain points to the remarkable flexibility of the human brain and argues that culture constrains the brain far more than the brain sets limits to culture. [BACK]

8. See the group of articles by radical feminists in Trebilcot, ed., Mothering. These include Allen, "Motherhood"; Valeska, "If All Else Fails"; and Polatnick, "Why Men Don't Rear Children." Something of this same position is also taken by the Marxist-feminist Gimenez in "Feminism, Pronatalism, and Motherhood." [BACK]

9. Firestone, Dialectic of Sex. [BACK]

10. Rossi, "Transition to Parenthood." [BACK]

11. Bane, Here To Stay; Cherlin, Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage. [BACK]

12. See Fairbairn, Object-Relations Theory of Personality, and Guntrip, Personality Structure and Human Interaction. See also, Greenberg and Mitchell, Object Relations in Psychoanalytic Theory. [BACK]

13. See Parsons with White, "The Link Between Character and Society," in Parsons, Social Structure and Personality, pp. 183-235; and Horkheimer, "Authority and the Family." [BACK]

14. Cf. Eisenstein, Contemporary Feminist Thought, p. 91. Eisenstein appears to misunderstand Freud on this point. [BACK]

15. Person takes a similar view in "Sexuality as Mainstay of Identity." As I will show in Chapter 8, psychoanalytic theory tends to define what we now call gender in terms of sexuality. This conflation was very basic in Freud's thinking and ultimately renders psychoanalysis a "dangerous doctrine" even in the hands of those with benign intentions. [BACK]

16. Chodorow, "Feminism and Difference." break [BACK]

17. Flax, "Mother-Daughter Relationships," emphasizes the problematic aspects of mothers' ties to daughters. In another view, L. Hoffman, "Early Childhood Experiences," claims that "girls need a little maternal rejection if they are to become independently competent and selfconfident." [BACK]

18. Chodorow stresses heterosexuality even more than my account of her work might suggest. She argues that women's heterosexuality is triangular and requires a third person—a child—for its structural and emotional completion, whereas for men the heterosexual bond alone is sufficient. My account will question all of this. [BACK]

19. Rossi, "Biosocial Perspective on Parenting." [BACK]

20. Sayers, Biological Politics, pp. 149, 161. [BACK]

21. "Reply by Nancy Chodorow," especially p. 507. [BACK]

22. See Chodorow, "Being and Doing," especially pp. 270-86; and "Family Structure and Feminine Personality." [BACK]

23. See Lamphere, "Review Essay: Anthropology," especially p. 622. [BACK]

24. Young, "Male Gender Identity," argues that Chodorow does collapse these categories. I take the view that Chodorow in making the relational-nonrelational distinction between women and men does not imply that women are by definition inferior. She suggests that their relationality connects them with domesticity. This does not necessarily mean "inferiority," although it certainly means that in middle-class white culture. See Strathern, "Domesticity and the Denigration of Women." [BACK]

25. Chodorow, Reproduction of Mothering, p. 10. [BACK]

26. Parsons, "Social Structure and the Development of Personality," Social Structure and Personality, pp. 78-111, especially p. 91. [BACK]

27. For an excellent discussion of the drive-focused theories of Marcuse and Brown (utilized by Dinnerstein) versus the object relations approach Chodorow favors, see Chodorow, "Beyond Drive Theory." Parsons's work is at a higher level of abstraction and encompasses both the "drive" and the "object relations" aspects of Freud's thinking. [BACK]

28. Rossi discusses this permissiveness in "Maternalism, Sexuality, and New Feminism." [BACK]

29. Maccoby and Jacklin, Psychology of Sex Differences, pp. 313, 201. [BACK]

30. For the association of maternal warmth with conscience in children, see Yarrow, Campbell, and Burton, Child Rearing, p. 103. For the lack of differentiation by gender, see, for example, Stayton, Hogan, and Ainsworth, "Infant Obedience and Maternal Behavior," especially p. 1058. [BACK]

31. Maccoby and Jacklin, "Gender Segregation in Childhood." [BACK]

32. Fagot, "Beyond the Reinforcement Principle." [BACK]

33. Maccoby, "Social Groupings in Childhood." break [BACK]

34. Lever, "Sex Differences in Games." [BACK]

35. Maltz and Borker, "Male-Female Miscommunication." [BACK]

36. M. Goodwin, "Directive-Response Speech Sequences." [BACK]

37. Fagot, "Beyond the Reinforcement Principle." [BACK]

38. Fagot and Leinbach, "Play Styles in Early Childhood," especially p. 113. [BACK]

39. Fagot and Hagan, "Aggression in Toddlers." [BACK]

40. Best, We've All Cot Scars, pp. 71-87. [BACK]

41. Eisenhart and Holland, "Learning Gender from Peers," especially p. 322. [BACK]

42. Carter and McCloskey, "Peers and Sex-Typed Behavior." [BACK]

43. Thorne, "Girls and Boys Together." [BACK]

45. Esposito, "Sex Differences in Children's Conversation." [BACK]

46. M. Goodwin, "Directive-Response Speech Sequences, "especially pp. 170-72. M. Goodwin and C. Goodwin, "Children's Arguing." [BACK]

47. Ullian, "Regression in Service of Male Ego." [BACK]

48. M. Goodwin, "Directive-Response Speech Sequences," pp. 170-72. [BACK]

49. Kinsey, Pomeroy, and Martin, Sexual Behavior in Human Male, p. 168. [BACK]

50. Finkelhor, Sexually Victimized Children, p. 91. [BACK]

51. See Pleck's discussion of this in "Men's Power," p. 424. [BACK]

52. Brownmiller, Against Our Will. See also Griffin, "Rape." [BACK]

53. J. Newson and E. Newson, Four Years Old. [BACK]

54. Quoted in Unger, Female and Male, p. 427. When I tell this story in class, it often evokes the response from males that this surely shows me to be a man-hater. I believe it indicates that men have not yet realized that the fear of rape confines and restricts women as do "the rules" that blame rape on women failing to protect themselves rather than on the men doing the raping. [BACK]

55. For acquaintance rape, see Kanin and Parcell, "Sexual Aggression." See also Kanin, "Date Rape." For rape in marriage, see Russell, Rape in Marriage; and Finkelhor and Yllo, License to Rape. [BACK]

56. Alder, "Self-Reported Sexual Aggression." [BACK]

57. Kanin, "Date Rapists." [BACK]

58. MacKinnon, "Toward Feminist Jurisprudence." See also "An Agenda for Theory." break [BACK]

59. Russell, Sexual Exploitation, especially p. 35. [BACK]

60. See especially West and Zimmerman, "Small Insults," and Fishman, "Interaction: The Work Women Do." [BACK]

61. Pleck, "Men's Power," p. 424. See also Lehne, "Homophobia Among Men." [BACK]

62. Herek, "On Heterosexual Masculinity." [BACK]

63. L. Rubin, Just Friends. See especially pp. 63-64. [BACK]